Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
