It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
