i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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