if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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