While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize