Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
