Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
