i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
