My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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