This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
