So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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