I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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