I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
