i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
