I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
