Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
