there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
