i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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