I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize