my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't deserve a penis
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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