No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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