you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
