2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
