so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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