he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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