I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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