if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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