So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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