Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
