Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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