we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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