i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
