I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i love accidental penises.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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