i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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