my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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