i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
