i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The air was thick with penises
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
