Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
