I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
