my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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