I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
