hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
