Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
