I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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