So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
