The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
