At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
