I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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