i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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