dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
