The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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