At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
