i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
