hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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