Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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