I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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