I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
