I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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