I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
