NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
