you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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