Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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