I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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