We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
