I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
