oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
