Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
