Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
