i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
