woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
honey bunches of taint.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
