Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
