Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
