I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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