The maid of honor just puked.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
